What You've Missed

Dear Tabitha,

A year ago today you left us to go back to heaven, and we have missed you very much.  And I wanted to write down all that you missed this past year.

You missed Thanksgiving and Christmas.  You missed out on tasting lots of yummy new foods and getting presents, and getting to have Aunt Jeanie stay at our house for three whole weeks.  She would have been your buddy, just like she is Emily's, and you would have gotten away with lots of stuff and had so much fun.

You missed the three times we had snow.  You missed helping your big sister make snowmen.  She missed you, too, and she made a snowman for you.

You missed our funny spring, with flowers in February, and then dismal cold for a couple months, so that everyone's gardens were all confused.  You missed the tulips and the peonies and the lilies, which came so early this year.  You missed helping Gran B plant radishes and carrots in the garden with your sister. 

You missed all the tomatoes and the huge tangled squash patch.  You missed the blackberries that grow ripe the second half of the summer, just your height, ready to be eaten.  Sister could have shown you which ones were good to eat. Maybe you would have learned after you tasted a couple green ones.  Or maybe you would have just loved to pick them, like your cousin Danny did.

You missed our family vacation to Up North.  You missed the lake and the castle and the children's museum.  You missed a week of cousin time, of playing and giggling and chasing around your cousins.

You missed our trip to SterlingFest, where Mommy saw a dragonfly.  The nice people at the dragonfly foundation sent us a dragonfly charm, and mommy has it on her keychain.  It means someone saw that you were gone, and they cared.  And now dragonflies remind Mommy of you, and in the midst of the fair, while sister was riding the spinning teddy bear ride with daddy, she saw a dragonfly and thought more of you.  Thought of you more, because you are always in the back of Mommy's thoughts.

You missed the arrival of your baby brother, just a few days after SterlingFest.  He was big, bigger than you or your sister, and he's been growing so fast.  He's about as big as you were when you went to heaven.  Maybe bigger.  He sure is determined to get big fast.  But maybe you didn't miss this one, maybe you watched over brother in heaven and told him all about our family.  He sure seams to know the rule about all the babies have to be happy ones.

You missed General Conference, where we hear from the leaders of the church.  Maybe you would have loved the singing.  Mommy loved the talk by Elder Bowen, who lost a baby, too, a long time ago.  He said that it was okay if Mommy always misses you when she feels happy, and always feels like her joy is not quite full.  Because you are in heaven, and Mommy will always miss you.

You missed Halloween, by one day.  And tomorrow is Halloween again.  We went to the ward Halloween party, the one you went to last year.  Sister was a pink elephant, and brother a Mac Nac Feegle.  What would you have been?  A fairy?  Mommy wanted to give you a fairy one year birthday party.  It would have been so fun and so pretty.  You missed turning one.  And we will forever miss you.